Annie and I left Sunday’s class with more, “I wish I would have said it this way….,” thoughts then we had in previous weeks. However, we don’t want to re-open the screen time conversation next week or we will fill another whole class with this important topic. Instead we are sending a few thoughts and links here.

We want to communicate clearly that:

• We agree that this is more complex than, “technology is bad.”

  • This chapter from Hold On to Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate helps nuance the conversation. We recognize and agree that this conversation is not as simple as technology being all good or all bad. We recognize that it is unrealistic to be technology free.

• We believe there are very compelling reasons to be very intentional about technology use and that it likely includes dramatically reducing screen time.

  • We invite and encourage you to deeply consider the impact of screens on our lives and our kids' lives. These two links help support this view point. (Dopamine and Smartphones) (Taking Control of Your Social Media Use).

• We believe change is possible and worth it in our own lives and the lives of our kids.

I resonate deeply with the statements around using our phones as a temporary coping mechanism when I am overwhelmed or anxious. Our kids (especially teenagers) are able to articulate that that is what they are doing, “I just need to veg out and watch Netflix.” What has changed (recently) for me is that I no longer believe that using my phone as a distraction from my stress or anxiety is a neutral coping mechanism. Here is what I am learning in my reading and with my therapist; Any real or perceived threat causes my amygdala (fight, flight or freeze) to fire. For me this is usually caused by some anxiety inducing thoughts about work. I then become anxious and at some point reach for my phone to distract me from these anxious thoughts by looking at social media or ESPN. This all seemed innocent enough to me. However, my therapist says that “distraction is a poison pill.” When I reach for my phone I am essentially communicating to my amygdala, “You are right. The threat is real.” This causes my amygdala to fire more therefore not being a neutral coping mechanism but instead it adds to my anxiety! So what does this mean for us as parents (not just me!)? I think it is worth working with our teenagers to develop healthier coping mechanisms. I believe teenagers are capable of understanding this and therefore we should talk with them about why it is worth staying in the battle and not just caving to unlimited technology use. I don’t think it means that our teenagers (or ourselves) should never just relax by watching a show, but rather that we should be aware and intentional.

We are looking forward to next week when we will work shop together how we design plans for ‘habits’ or ‘rules’ in these areas.

—Jon and Annie